In the interest of providing some background, here's an introduction to my life, in phrases, and explanations too:

-- part-time photographer (you can find our work at Reversed Lens Photography)
-- part-time student (finishing a double degree in psychology and social sciences-- I am determined to finish!) and also admin for a local Jewish non-profit
-- full-time mom to , who was born in April 2006, and who dominates my time and heart space. She is one crazy baby and constantly makes me smile, even when her antics are just as big as her personality.
-- married to , the man who I have loved, and even liked, for more than a decade--that is to say that there were times in the past that the like was not so strong, but the love endured and somehow, we ended up together, going on three years married.

On with the story: I'm sometimes perky, sometimes bitchy, attempting chill but rarely fully achieving that state, except when I get time to myself or am in a space where nature or art or anything organic can play with my sensibilities; often sweet, but only to people I trust; perhaps a little too artsy, and definitely too anal about the cleanliness/style quotient of my house; wholly believing in life after death (I miss my dad more than I know how to say); a complete and total bookworm, in the literal sense--I fairly devour them; musically oriented, with perhaps schizophrenic tastes ie everything from folksy 70's (you go back to the familiar, and my parents were hippies) to more current indie stuff, though I definitely lean toward what my husband calls "soft"; ruminative; verbose--this you will see when trying to wade through my "summaries"; community minded and intensely involved in one cause or another at any given time, though I'm tending to lean now towards local involvement rather than national, and social rather than political (I'm still a campaign season junkie, though, and inhale political dialogue like air); deeply faithful and spiritual, but often in a rather off-beat way, which means that I'm sometimes highly intolerant of those who do things "because that's what I'm SUPPOSED to do" rather than because they feel something, and also that I feel too much for nearly everyone because somehow, I love them anyway. Really, I'm just a simple, uncomplicated mix of all of the people that I've loved and that have loved me. And those loves are complicated, and those influences are more convoluted than I could ever begin to explain. But boiled down, I'm just me. And I'm happy with that.

I try to post frequently, but when life gets out of hand, there are gaps in what gets recorded in a written medium. Please be patient with my lapses.

Note: Our family uses pseudonyms on our journals. If you know us in real life, or even just happen to know our names, please do not use them when commenting.

Also of note: My photography is copyrighted. All rights reserved for yours truly.

I love developments

I can't even believe how much things are growing and developing. Here's the bullet list:

-- We had a meeting last night with an established photography couple last night. They mostly shoot weddings and are going to hire us on as associates. We'll get to shadow them for a few events, learn a lot, and then start shooting as a team. And we get to use our images for our own stuff and even put the work up on our blog. SO COOL! I think it's going to give us some great experience. And did I mention that they'll be paying us too?

-- I just got off the phone with Write Around Portland, a local non-profit that we're going to do some pro-bono work for. They're having their big benefit coming up at the NW Art Center and shooting that should be a lot of fun, and give us some great exposure too, especially since we'll be getting credit for the images on their website. We're also working on more stuff for Gus' old school. I love that we now have a way to give back to the community in such a fulfilling way.

-- We are going to the Bay area for Thanksgiving, and we're going to be doing a few shoots while we're there. A friend of mine grew up in the east bay and she's been emailing all of her old connections to see if they want to do a shoot with us. And two have already responded. How cool is that? We might do a shoot with some family friends as well, and possibly one for Gus' dad's in-laws. We're also working on photography weekends to Boise and Seattle. And if you live in Utah and are interested in pics, stay tuned. We're probably coming sometime in late April/early May.

-- Oh, and we're actually getting clients too. We have a family shoot next Thursday, and another that we're trying to find a time for, and a couple of others in the works.

When I was talking to the events coordinator at WAP, she said, "I think it's so cool that you guys just took the leap and are doing this." And I said, "I'm normally someone that mulls things and takes a long time to make a decision. The fact that both of us moved forward with this, with almost no hesitation, tells me how much it was meant to be." And I really think that it is. This is going way to well to not have some purpose behind it.

Interesting. Very interesting.

So, the weekend was a whirlwind, per the norm. Now that I have school AND my part-time job AND the photography business, life just goes non-stop. I woke up, did chores, studied while Gus took Chie to the alumni soccer game (it was homecoming weekend at the school where he attended kindergarten through high school and the evening was packed with events, a few of which we attended), and then met them the alumni lunch. Good connections were made and Gus got some fun shots which are up on our photography blog (here). Then I took the Pea home to nap, and then Gus and I traded so that I could go up to work. I think we had dinner, but I honestly don't remember.

Sunday was pretty much the same. We made a more diligent effort to watch our church's general conference but with a toddler traipsing around, I'm not sure how much I really heard. I did get a lot of the house cleaned up and did about seven loads of laundry-- I do small, segmented loads-- and that was nice. Gus made some headway on the website redesign that he's working on for a client and that was nice too. Then I headed up to my office on campus to work on my practicum. And then I came home, chilled a bit, and then made one more trip up to work to finish some filing. Gus made dinner while I was gone and I finally ate at about 9. Woo hoo.

I know, it doesn't sound that interesting, but one very profound thing did come out of the weekend, and that is that I might be changing my major to graphic design. Huge. This is huge. I'm currently a social sciences/psych major, and have had the dream for about ten years to segue from that into grad school in counseling into a practice. But here's the rub: we've now embarked on this completely different path with our business, and I'm really, really loving what we're doing. And the more I've thought about it over the last several weeks the more that I think that diverting my attention to a totally different thing than building the business just seems... odd. I still love the idea of counseling people but I know that I can do that later. When I went to the Lewis and Clark info session, there were two people there in their mid-50's that were making a complete shift into counseling, and the advisors were like, "Yeah, we have people do this all the time." I already have the psych background and I could do post-bac courses if needed. But for now, this may be the more judicious route. If I've calculated correctly, it would only be one more term in school, I'd finally have my degree, and I'd have a much broader base for serving our clients to boot. I have a meeting with an advisor on the 22nd and I'll go from there.

Check, check, check

-- Chie and I got through our morning, even if it was tumultuous. Shopping with a teething toddler is definitely not on my top ten list. I really, really hope that these canines come through soon!

-- I got through two more tests in Behavior Analysis (it's a self-directed course; you read the material and take a quiz)

-- I got through it quickly enough that I had time to come home and edit some photos before pick-up time at Chie's childcare. It's the fastest editing job I've ever done-- 62 photos through Lightroom in 2 days. I have a bit of minor editing to take some spots off under Lizzie's nose and then they're ready for the viewing session tomorrow.

Whew! Off to pick up my crabby baby!

Edit: Oh! Oh! and we're actually having dinner. And it doesn't involve pre-cooked ingredients. We're having cod roasted with white wine, olives, and lemon zest, sauteed kale, and rice. And it's taking me about ten minutes to prepare. How beautiful is that?

Crazy is the only word

I have been running like a mad woman. Yesterday, I was out the door at nine and didn't get home until nearly ten. In that time, I: opened the school that I work for/played director, had lunch with a friend and her baby who is Chie's doppleganger, got Chie's hair cut for the first time-- at barbershop, no less, and then went to school for my 2-4 and 5:30-9:30 classes. And then when I got home, I still had an email blast to send out for Melton. Today has been crazy too: we were out the door at 8:45 for my first solo shoot. It was very weird to shoot on my own, particularly in someone else's home. How do you tell someone that their cluttered corner is ruining your photos? I think that I got some good shots, though, and that they'll be pleased. She's super well connected and talks to everyone, too, so maybe she'll be the golden goose that brings in our new business? Now I'm going to scroll through the pics to reassure myself, eat some lunch, study for a while, and then spend the afternoon playing mommy. Chie seems to be doing fairly well with this transition to not having me around all the time but I still would like some concentrated "us" time. And then it's back to campus for another night class this evening.

Whew.

Back in the game

I can't believe that I forgot to buy books. I mean, really, what was I thinking by not checking to see if my classes had required reading? The situation isn't affected very drastically by my procrastination: one of my classes is using a book compiled by the prof, so that couldn't have been purchased anywhere else, and one hasn't listed the books yet so I couldn't have gotten them in advance anyway. For the one class that did have a "normal" textbook, I'm going to check Amazon and Half and see if I can get it any cheaper. I'm going to make double sure, though, that I can get it before my window to return it closes. No more debacles like last semester.

It was fun to be on campus this morning, though, with all of the new year buzz, even if I was toting a toddler. I can't wait to go to class tonight! I'm taking a University Studies course called The Work of Art. I'm quite excited to take something outside of the social science disciplines. But I'm also very excited about my two other classes: Child Psychology and Principles of Behavioral Analysis. It's going to be a lot of work and a lot of juggling (we have another shoot this weekend and then a dinner meeting on Saturday as well, to talk about collaboration with another artist), but I feel really energized about it all. There are so many cool things that I have to get my hands and head into. Here goes nothing, right?

Dwindling Sunshine

The day is gorgeous and I know that we don't have many of those left. So we just went on a little outing: to American Apparel, to check out sizing to order stuff for fall, and then to get some gelato at Mio. I fed Chie little tastes until we got to one that didn't make her make a face, and so we ended up with a giant scoop of mango. I love it when they give you way more than they have to. We sat outside and ate it together, and she looked so grown up, sitting straight with her hands in her lap. It was great fun. And then, just as we were leaving, I saw a woman walking towards us who looked very familiar. After a moment, I realized that it was my Writing 121 prof from my freshman year at PSU. Adria was one of my champions, a woman who has a lot of influence on my current conception of literature and life, and it was a joy to run into her. We chatted for a while until Chie got impatient and then made tentative plans to get together for Japanese food sometime next week (her husband lived in Japan for 12 years and teaches Japanese literature, and mine, well, you know).

Now I'm trying to make myself work...

Place in sand and bring to life

Some images from the trip that we took to the beach this weekend. We'd been slated to go to the Bay to see family, but that trip kept having road blocks and so we decided to listen to the cosmos and stay closer to home. We were both still very much in need of a break, though, so we took off for an overnighter...



Our destination: Cape Lookout State Park



The first stop-- Tillamook Cheese's factory.



The first thing to do on a beach? Remove your shoes, of course.



But Chie kept her Robeez on, this time around, because it was pretty chilly. She seemed really enamored of the sand.



When we got back, Gus tossed her in the air a bit while I tried to have the camera at the right angle.



She LOVES her daddy, and his acrobatic skills.



It's not really that big-- but it is bulky. And we need a rain fly.



Gus took this shot across from our campsite.





Chie's first sandy steps on our walk the next morning.



I tried to keep her as dry as possible, but in the end, she still got soaked.





Fun with shadows (I think I want to do a whole series).



One of the things I love about the coast is that the forest is immediately adjacent.





The Cape Mears lighthouse. (That's not Gus, btw).



The far point is where we'd stayed the night before.





She's still not sure what she thinks of goats.



This little boy was way too cute to not photograph.

Crap Party

In all the business of starting our business, I've been really remiss in posting pictures of my baby. Here are some recent pictures:



I think that she's gotten used to having pictures taken of her. Often, now, she'll just sit and do her thing. That is, unless she wants to PLAY with the camera.





Gus took these while we were out to dinner at Pastini. They asked if we thought she could manage a booster and we were like, "Sure. We'll give anything a try once." She liked it so much that we've now moved her up to our table and now the table top is her tray. And, as you can see, she's mastering utensils.











We've now gone scouting twice at Gus' elementary alma mater for a shoot we're doing in a week. I needed a test subject...

More than one

I had a bittersweet moment today. Chie was playing by the couch and looked up at the wall, where we have a picture of her and Gus' dad framed. "Papa!" she exclaimed. "Yes," I said, "that's Papa." But then I added, "That's Daddy's Papa." Every once in a while, it occurs to me that the only papa that my baby knows is my husband's father. He's the one that she identifies, loves, and is cuddled by. She'll know about my father at some point. But will he ever be a tangible person in her life? I guess we'll have to wait and see.

In search of managed soil

I feel like an immense weight has been lifted since I finished my last summer session class. I was just feeling so frazzled, in every area of my life, and I don't think that I could have continued much longer. The question, then, is begged: How am I going to do this fall term? Right now I'm registered for 13 credits. We've been discussing the possibility of me taking two night classes, as opposed to two afternoon classes, so that Gus would be home to watch the baby and reduce our childcare expenses. However, my semi-part-time job has the potential to increase, as the board just approved 10 hours a week (and a pay raise!). I don't have to do it but the truth is that I really like my job. I also like feeling like I'm contributing, in a real way, to our finances. Add to that work on our photography business and then the normal life of a wife and mother of a toddler and... I can feel my blood pressure increasing as I type that. Gus and I had a really serious talk the other night about expectations and actually tossed around the idea of doing some couples counseling in an effort to come to more of a meeting place. He tries to help-- he really, honestly does-- but I often feel like what he sees to be done and what's really there to be done are light years apart. We agreed that I would put together a list of everything that needs to be done, which I have yet to do, and I'm hoping that if we can really, for once, get on the same page then it might actually be possible to live a semi-sane life. It will definitely take more organization than I've ever implemented. Even though I like things to run smoothly, I'm really not as fabulous as I often come across at doing things to make that possible. As Gus pointed out, "Some times you slack, and other times you clean obsessively." He's right. And for our life to continue to function at the pace that it has been, and likely will for the foreseeable future, I need to find that middle ground once and for all.

Word of mouth

So, we have our first non-friend client! I think that I mentioned meeting Michelle, the Paper Zone district manager in an earlier entry. Well, when I went in to pick up marketing supplies today, she said that they (she and her husband, who together are EclectiKid, a children's clothing line) want to hire us to do a shoot for them! Woot!

Just a teaser

OK, so I couldn't help myself. I did a round of photo editing this morning. There's still a lot to get through (Gus went hog-wild on this shoot!) but here's one of my favorites:

Not a lot, and yet

It's hard to believe that four years ago, nearly to the minute, Gus and I were standing in the sealing room of the Portland temple. Our friends and family were surrounding us with congratulations on our minutes-old marriage and I couldn't stop grinning. The day would go on, some of it craziness and some of it drama that I'm only now beginning to be able to laugh at and some of it wonderful loveliness. For those few hours in the temple, though, things were perfect. We each have an incredibly poignant memory from that time, and lots of little others that we savor. We were together, we were about to be married or married itself, and that was all that mattered. If I close my eyes and let my mind drift, I can still feel for him what I did then. It's different now. We've been through the upheaval and growth that is years of marriage. Some of it has been difficult, excrutiatingly wrenching growth, times that we weren't sure we would make it through. But we have, together. Our love is deeper, now, and yet sometimes I still feel a newness, a freshness, and it takes me by surprise. Last night, after soothing our baby back to sleep, I crawled into bed and just watched him sleep, tears welling in my eyes, amazed once again that he's mine. I couldn't be more pleased, or more grateful, to be going through life with him at my side.

Because I just haven't been posting...

here's a quick recap:

-- anniversary week started on Monday with flowers from Gus and also some gardenia scented candles (he got me one, single gardenia for my prom corsage and I LOVE the smell). Last night we went to the temple. Tonight will probably be low-key and then, with a little luck in the form of a babysitter, we're slated to go out on Thursday to our favorite restaurant. We'd talked about getting away for an entire night but I'm just not ready to leave overnight yet. Next year, maybe, for a weekend? It'll be our fifth then so a big to-do seems fitting.

-- swamped with class (huge amount of chapters to read, a test to take, and a paper to write), practicum, and work. I just wrote my boss an email and said, "If it doesn't HAVE to happen this week, I'm deferring it to the weekend."

-- Chie is doing amazingly cute things, like bringing us stuff when we ask her, taking us to what she wants, and climbing stairs standing up

-- I really need to remember to move the stroller over so I can get out for a run. It's good for Chie to be out in the air (I didn't have it yesterday and so we went to the park) and it's good for me too, even though I dread it until I'm actually out.

-- oh, and our website is finally in development. Hopefully we'll have an alpha version to show soon.

New to the world

We shot the Ellefsons a few weeks ago on the cusp of having their baby. And now, here she is in all her glory...



This was a really fun shoot despite some difficulties. Dayli was having a hard night and the weather was not cooperating so we ended up doing it just inside of their apartment. Hopefully we'll be able to get together again and do some outside shots. But I'm very pleased with how these turned out, in spite of things.

The advent of Swedish goodness

It was a long day yesterday. Long but fun. I woke up for the first time somewhere in the four o'clock hour as Gus printed out directions to our new Ikea. He was the avant-garde, securing places in the line to be among the first to tour the facility. I arrived a few hours later with child and Ikea-rabid neighbors in tow (the occupants of the two apartments downstairs, Jill and Val, are total Ikea devotees. They are best friends and regularly take trips together to what has been our closest store in Seattle. Needless to say, the opening has been eagerly anticipated in our stairwell). We got there at about 8:30, oohed and ahhed over all of the free gear that Gus had acquired, and bided our time. The employees were super pumped and did lots of marching drills, and then the flags were raised and the US and Swedish national anthems were sung. And then we were in. We had to walk through a gauntlet of employees that included screaming and pounding of those little rubber ears that are used at sports events (Chie was NOT a fan of the noise) and then it was up the escalators to the showrooms. We didn't last long there. Both of us decided that we were famished and so we went to the cafe to get breakfast. I had forgotten how cheap their food is! And it's so good too. After breakfast we toodled around for a while but quickly hit the "ok, let's jet" place. Chie was ready for a nap, Gus was past his limit, and the crowds were just increasing. In the end, he took off by himself and I waited a bit longer for J&V to finish their perusing. They were quite satisfied with the new store and bought a few bags worth of stuff: new textiles for V's bed, some cat and baby toys, and lots of food stuffs.

Once we were home we settled back in, but that part was short-lived for me because I had class that afternoon. My second speed class started on Monday; it's two days a week for five hours. I'm really psyched (no pun intended) about the material (the class title is Counseling) and the prof is phenomenal. He actually wasn't there yesterday, though, and instead we got to hear from his recently-former TA. John just finished his Ph.D. program, specializing in addictions and trauma, and the lecture was absolutely fascinating. I did take a 15-minute fiesta sometime around 4:00 because I just couldn't keep my eyes open. I'm very glad that I went, though, and that I actually stayed.

We collectively crashed last night. We traded off baby entertaining and ate fruit for dinner. I think that we were all in bed well before nine, a rarity for us. I'm still a bit wasted today but I have a lot to work on. Hopefully a morning nap will be in order soon.

Finished product

I promised a friend pics of our new living room photo wall, decorated with photography by yours trutly, so here they are. I would have posted the older images but those got dumped by Flickr to make room for new stuff, and I'm too cheap to pay the pro-price.



We gave the room a new arrangement as well. I love it even more than I'd anticipated. It makes the room feel bigger and just looks fabulous, in my humble opinion.



Closer shot of a grouping.



My newly green table. This had been one of our bedside tables but when we moved the bedroom around, I 86'd the tables. I am in love with this color and I think it ties the room together well.



A closer shot of the lovely roses that I bought for a baby shower I'm throwing tomorrow. I didn't notice until I returned home that they match my decor!

Post-processing

We're slogging our way through the photos. I understand now why, even when it's your full-time job, getting the proofs out for a wedding takes a few weeks. We started with 1150 photos! Even with the first cull, we're just below 500 to look through/process in Lightroom/upload. It's a LOT of work, and it happens when Chie is napping and/or asleep for the night so that the two of us can actually do it together. We've got the actual ceremony up now, though, so that his family can see that we're doing something. They haven't bugged us at all but if I were them, I'd be like, "Uh, do you have anything yet?" Hopefully, the rest can get processed in the next week or so. It's fun work but oh, is it work.

Daily Photo: Block Study

I really am making a concerted effort to do this...

Daily Photo: Lost Mango

It got mixed up with the giant, Costco-sized quantity of lemons.

Daily Photo: A moment of awe

A picture is supposed to be worth a thousand words. But when you live with The Tornado, one image isn't always enough to capture the destruction. The previous and subsequent images were her part of her path this morning, all of which was accomplished in a five-minute span while I did dishes.

Stay hungry, stay foolish

Gus' mom's best friend, Midge, is one of the coolest people we know. She's an artist in Seattle and she's just amazing. She has really fabulous hair and an amazing sense of style. But more than that, she's really funny and... well, she's just cool. She sent us this article a few weeks ago and I just finally got around to reading it. You should too.

"Stay hungry, stay foolish" was Jobs' advice to graduates...

Daily Photo: Goatee by yogurt

When she doesn't like something she immediately evacuates it from her mouth. A vigorous head shake is generally next on the agenda.

Daily Photo: Tired but happy

A shot of me, post-dinner, in my new favorite shirt.

Daily Photo: Unphotogenic substitute

I should be posting some bucolic image from the picturesque Lewis and Clark College campus, which I visited today when I went for an informational interview about their grad programs. But alas, I forgot my camera. So you get a brochure.

Daily Photo: The silent whine

My husband, looking a remarkable amount like his daughter.

Daily Photo: Sweet finishes

My husband is a smart man. We watched Throwdown with Bobby Flay this weekend, and the item they were making was cheesecake. They actually made this cheesecake, which I will probably be trying to mimic at some point, though I'll probably use ganache instead of frosting.

But I digress. We'd talked about cheesecake a few times since; we probably would have made some on Sunday if we'd had cream cheese. Last night, he went to the store to pick up milk while I put the baby to sleep. When he returned, he said, "Oh, and I have a surprise!" and pulled a mini-cheesecake and strawberries out of the bag. It was a brilliant move.

Oh, and he bought chocolate milk too. I love this man.

Daily Photo: It's a party

OK, so I know that I'll tell this wrong because I'm bad at punchlines, but... We've had a joke for a while that it's always not a party until someone removes their pants, and that person is always our daughter. She just loves shedding her bottoms. Today was no exception.